Friday, May 3, 2013

Cool Legs- balm for that, freshly shaved skin

I'll be totally honest...I hate shaving my legs. I've tried the alternatives: waxing (dear LORD that hurts!), depilatories (yeah, dissolves not only hair, but SKIN), even those weird buffer-pad things they had As-Seen-On-TV a few years ago (now there's a suggestion that the Big Guy won't make twice). So I'm stuck with it. And I am the Queen of Razor Burn, no matter how fancy the razor- it could have 12 blades on it, a moisturizing strip the size of an airfield...I will still, inevitably, Feel the Burn. But, I've recently hit on a way to make the fire go out- and I'll tell you how to make some, too!

I'll also tell you something funny. I don't drink hard liquor, ever. So when the nice people who work at the Idaho Liquor Dispensary see me come in, about once every two years, they seem to be highly amused...I wander around, blankly, trying to figure out what to buy for my latest cosmetic concoction. The store has usually been rearranged in the interim between trips, so locating what I need is a process. They always laugh when I tell them, "Well, I don't really need anything smooth, tasty, or, what do you have in a high-octane, CHEAP bottle of...?" I get the feeling that they hear that a lot, but not usually for my reasons. This is what I got the last time- I can't vouch for its drinkability, but it's very effective for Cool Legs!

Cool Legs Aftershave
1 bottle of inexpensive golden or white rum, 40 proof or higher
1 clean jar with a tight-fitting lid (I used a spaghetti sauce jar, but any will do)
3-5 whole star anise
1-2 bay leaves (the culinary variety works fine for this)
5-10 whole cloves
fresh or dried citrus peels (I used lemon, lime, orange, and tangelo peels, dried on a heat vent)
whole or partial vanilla bean, optional
An empty, clean soy sauce or Worchestershire bottle, with "dropper" topper (optional)- like this:

Place the spices and citrus peels in the jar, and pour rum over them to cover. Tightly close the lid, and place jar in a cool, dark place for 2 or more weeks. Take the jar out and shake it up a bit, from time to time- I don't know that it helps, but it might. (I did it mainly to please Thing One, who's always keenly interested in "Mom's Chemistry Experiments". He felt that it would help things along.) After the rum has become well-scented with the other ingredients (it will smell a lot like Jaegermeister, or licorice), strain the liquid, and funnel into your bottle. When you've removed enough liquid to fill your bottle, pour the rest of the leftover rum into your jar, and make a second batch with the remainder- just repeat the process, as with the first batch. This should make 2 mostly-filled bottles of aftershave, in two batches.

To use: After removing most of your skin with a razor shaving your legs, dry with a towel, and splash a little Cool Legs into your palm- a teaspoon or so is enough- and quickly rub into shaved skin. The anise, combined with the other ingredients, will rapidly "cool down" any angry spots, and leave your skin irritation-free. Wait a minute or two before applying lotion or creams, allowing the aftershave to do its job, and dry up- and you'll feel the difference. No lotion-aggravated flare ups, and much less inflammation! 

I hope this helps some of you guys out- it's made an immense difference for me. 

On a side note: Thing One and Thing Two attend an LDS church, with their grandmother.  (I am not LDS- with zero irony, I can honestly say that I am more spiritual than religious, and am not terribly interested in attending any religious services in the near future.) Thing One spotted a fellow church-goer, coming out of the liquor store, and said, "Oh my gosh, that's Brother So-And-So! He's Mormon! He's not allowed to be drinking!" Erm. Yeah. He wanted to report it to someone, maybe their bishop, thinking that it would be the Right Thing To Do. We quickly dissuaded him, explaining that this was between Brother So-and-So, and God. No one else, period. Judge not, and all that. He understood. I dearly hope that we're raising Men- I'd hate to see any kid of mine grow up to be some sort of spiritual bully. Or any kind of bully, for that matter.

Jack-Mormons of the Greater Boise Metro area, you can thank me later. Your secret is safe with us.

Hope you're all having a GREAT week- the weekend is in sight! See you again soon!

Linking up to Craft-O-Maniac Monday!



  1. That is FUNNY! And you can always point out that even tho Mormons (and I am NOT one) don't or are not suppossed to drink alcohol---they have FRIENDS who DO and perhaps this was a gift--or they were visiting some one they know who works there--or event hat liquor stores have OTHER non-alcohol things to purchase.

    Or maybe the guy was making after shave.

  2. *Giggle* Yep, definitely the Occam's Razor option- it HAD to have been for aftershave! XD Dang, wish I'd've thought of that one when I was explaining it to the kids!


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